About The Green Teen




Welcome, unfortunate wanderer, to the digital domain of Zachary Green, better known in some (very) small circles as the Green Teen. If you've stumbled upon this sanctuary of sarcasm and metal by mistake, here's a tip: the back button is your friend. If, however, your curiosity has gotten the better of your common sense, buckle up, buckos. You're in for a bumpy ride.

Who the fuck am I?

  • I'm the lovechild of anarchy and heavy metal, a walking, talking rebellion against the mundane and the mediocre. Picture your average teenager, then add a dash of green skin, a sprinkle of supernatural strength, and a whole lot of attitude. That's me. Oh, and I have more piercings than your grandma has wrinkles. I'm a high schooler by day, albeit one with a penchant for doodling on tests and using textbooks as drumming pads. By night? Let's just say I'm the emerald-hued nightmare that lurks in the shadows, keeping the streets of Los Angeles interesting.

    • What's with the green?

  • Ah, the million-dollar question. Let's just say it's a mysterious medical condition. I can transform into a tall, athletic, green-skinned version of myself at will—or when my emotions decide to take the driver's seat. It's like being a superhero, if superheroes were heavily into heavy metal and had a moral compass that pointed squarely at "chaotic neutral."

    • My Music

  • If it's loud, aggressive, and has the potential to give your parents a headache, I'm all over it. Ambush, Slug, Banshee, Dust of Unity, Immortal Animals—these aren't just bands; they're the soundtrack to my life's chaos. My music taste is so good, it's practically a public service.

    • Family Fun :)

  • Ah, yes, the familial unit. Mother Margaret, a saint with the patience of a martyr and the only person on Earth who can call me her "big, green angel" without getting punched. Then there's my sister, Grace, who's somehow managed to survive sharing genes with me. And let's not forget dear old Dad, Donald, who decided playing hide-and-seek on a continental scale was a good parenting strategy, Fucking dick.

    • My Love Life

  • Kate Fitzgerald, punk rock's answer to Juliet. She's the chaos to my mayhem, the distortion pedal to my electric guitar. Together, we're a match made in a very loud, very rebellious heaven.

    • Why am I here?

  • Why does anyone make a website on Neocities these days? For the nostalgia? A cry for help? A desperate grab at internet immortality? Let's go with all of the above. Plus, it gives me a place to air my many grievances, share my DOOMWADS, and maybe, just maybe, connect with other lost souls who think life is too short for boring music and normal skin tones. So there you have it, my digital diary, my manifesto, my little corner of the internet where I can be unapologetically me. Stick around, leave a comment, or don't. Either way, I'll be here, being too loud, too sarcastic, and too green for most people's taste.

    • Zachary Green, the one and only Green Teen.